Adult ADD Relationships And ADD

by: Tellman Knudson And Stephanie Frank

Many people include the word “relationship” to mean only a boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. But when you go into business, you'll find that people use the word “relationship” in many different ways.

Think about relationships this way: You have kind of a hub and spoke; think of a bicycle wheel. You’re the middle of that bicycle wheel and everybody that you communicate with and everybody that you work with or have a relationship with—that could be your spouse, your significant other, your children, your parents, or your aunts and uncles on a personal side.

It could be your housekeeper. It could be somebody who comes to the house to install a new set of appliances. You have a relationship with all of these people. It also extends out to those people that you contract work to, to those people that you work with on a regular basis, to partners, to business associates, and to all these different people.

Relationship Guide

So, why do many ADD relationships, fall apart? First, realize that it's not about blaming everybody else. That’s one of the things that ADD people tend to do is blame other people, but this is about you, if you have ADD. This is about taking control of you and mastering you.

One of the things that happens with ADD relationships is that we ADD people get disinterested. It used to be fun, this used to happen, and it used to be exciting and unpredictable, and now suddenly the relationship got predictable and boring and we start to drift.

That happens in many aspects of ADD life, relationships included. If you’re losing interest in your relationship over and over again and you find yourself doing the relationship bounce technique meaning one relationship to another relationship… It doesn’t matter whether you’re talking about business relationships, friendships, or romantic relationships, it all can have a very devastating affect.

But you can have a much deeper, more profound, and more amazing long-term relationship, if you’re not happy with the way things are going.

Losing interest is a big ADD problem. There are also general misunderstandings of styles, thinking, and ways of processing information and living life. At some point you just don’t do things the same way as somebody else.

“Why don’t you do things my way?”

“Well, why don’t you do things my way?”

Stop that push and pull because you’re not going to change. The other person shouldn’t have to change, either. When that misunderstanding starts happening, often the next step is miscommunication.

Miscommunication is also a big deal; it’s the way that people go about reaching goals, whether you’re ADD or non-ADD. It makes a huge difference in your day-to-day operations.

Think about this: Have you ever had an experience where you want an end result, and you’re talking with someone who also wants an end result, but it takes you 45 minutes to even come to a place where you recognize that you’re talking about the same thing?

When you don’t know how to deal with people, this just ruins relationships, and connections with people can be infuriating. It can be tremendously frustrating, until you learn some techniques to solve that problem.

And how about the speed at which people get things done? Let's imagine that you just had a conversation with one of your business partners, who thinks things going at lightning speed. When you have ADD, your perception of the exact same thing is probably that the project is moving forward at a snail’s pace. So, you call him and say, “I want to go faster.”

Your partner might say, “Oh, my gosh! I don’t think we can go any faster.”

So your ADD brain goes into motion and thinks, Okay, how can we make this happen so that we’re all happy about it?

One way to master relationships is by taking responsibility. People with ADD go really fast and they can think of something, get it implemented, get it working, get it moving, and be on to the next thing. That’s just head-spinning for some people.

You need to have some techniques in place, some communication skills in place, and some systems in place that will allow you to deal with both moving at break-neck speeds and keeping everything under control on your end, but also working with the non-ADD people in your life to make sure that everything works out.

Lasting relationships for people with ADD are sometimes difficult to sustain, and it may come down to expectations. Your ADD makes you not just smart, but fast. You're going at the speed of light, while people that don't have ADD can't quite understand. Communicating your point of view clearly and compromise are vital ingredients in making relationships work. There are many techniques and systems that can help, and we'll talk about those in our next article.

Relationship Guide